


Unbroken

by babyboytroye



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies)
Genre: Depression, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Protective Minho, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 08:37:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6277360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyboytroye/pseuds/babyboytroye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was broken. They were stuck here and there was no way of getting out. He tried to hide it with a smile. Fool everyone into believing that he was okay. But he wasn't; and he will never be.</p><p>Or Newt is falling hard and Minho will always be there to catch him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken

Newt woke up in the morning before the other Gladers, sighing loudly as he dragged himself out of bed. He didn't get enough sleep last night. He let his thoughts take over his head and they left him awake at night. It's been happening a lot lately. They were getting worse each day and it honestly scared him. He thought about death a lot and how peaceful he would be. How much better it would be if he was just gone. But he would never admit that to anyone in the Glade. The shanks would tie him up and never let him leave their sights. Especially Minho. He and Minho had a special bond. Always there for each other when the other needed someone to lean on. It was nice having someone care for you. But it still didn't silence the thoughts that left him awake at night.

They were trapped here and he felt bloody useless.

~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°

Newt was standing by the maze doors, waiting for them to open so he could go run the maze and map it. To see if there were any changes. What was the point? They were all going to die here. Maybe he should just do it himself before those bloody grievers get to him first.

Newt was taken from his thoughts when he felt a firm pat on his back, almost knocking him to the floor. He yelped and caught himself before he could fall, turning around to glare at the shank, only to find Minho grinning widely at him.

"What the hell was that for, shuckface?" Newt asked angrily, swatting at Minho's broad shoulder. Minho laughed and pulled him in for a hug, muscular arms wrapping around his waist. Newt sighed, wrapping his own arms around Minho's neck. He could never be mad at the boy.

"You looked out of it. Just thought I could snap you out of it." Minho said, pulling away slightly to look into Newt's eyes intensely. "You ok?" His brows furrowed in concern, arms tightening around his waist.

Newt nodded, smiling slightly at the taller boy. "Of course I am. Just a little tired is all. Don't worry your pretty head over me." Minho scanned his eyes, trying to detect any lies coming from the thin boy. When he found none his eyes brought back that playful glint in them.

"Who are you calling pretty? I am handesome." Newt giggled, letting go of Minho.

"Of course. How foolish of me to talk so lowly about your stellar looks." He replied sarcastically. They both turned to the doors as they heard the familiar creak of the metal doors opening.

"You can make it up to me later." Minho winked and started to run past Newt, getting a head start with his strong legs. Newt quickly caught up to him, turning their separate ways to go run their section of the maze. But Newt wasn't thinking about mapping out the maze or looking for changes. He had one thing in mind.

He loved Minho but it wasn't enough to stop the thoughts driving him mad. He needed to put an end to it. He just needed to feel something.


	2. Jump

He was just tired of everything. He wasn't thinking clearly. The wall's ivy was so tempting, yet so brutal to look at. He didn't even remember when he started to climb it. He wasn't processing anything. He was sad. So very sad that he just didn't care. He needed something to help ease the pain of being stuck in these walls. He doesn't even know when he jumped. He felt nothing until he hit the ground. White hot pain shot from his toes all the way to his head. He cried out, breaths coming out rapidly as his vision began to get blurry. The smell of blood filled his senses and all he could think about at that very moment is that he failed.

He failed at killing himself.

He tried not to move because every time he tried the pain was so excruciating that he felt like he was going to pass out. Maybe if he stayed here the Grievers would get him. He'd be dead for sure. Newt's thoughts were interupted by a voice that was all too familiar to him.

"What the shuck did you do?" Newt opened his eyes only to see his best friend Alby gazing down at him with disbelief clear in his eyes. Newt opened his mouth to speak but the only sound that came out was a grunt. Something snapped in Alby and in the flash of an eye he was lifting Newt up into his arms, making him cry out in pain.

"Would you shut up? You're going to attract the Grievers." But Newt couldn't hear him, the pain in his leg becoming far too much to handle. Alby began to slowly jog back to the Glade, muttering small reassurances into Newt"s ear.

"This is going to hurt Newt, but I have to speed up if we're going to make it back." With that Alby broke out into a run. The action jostled Newt's leg and his cries started to get louder and louder, paining his friend with each cry or whimper. Once they made it back to the maze Alby began to yell loudly, calling for the Medjacks and lying Newt on the soft grass gingerly. A crowd started to form, Newt could hear their whispers and gasps. He must look like klunk. He felt hands touch him as they inspected his body.

"NEWT!" He knew that voice like if it were his own. But it was always so calm and collected. Now it sounded panicked and worried. He hates himself for being the reason to make that boy feel that way.

"Stay back." Alby snapped at Minho, sighing when the boy chose to ignore him and drop down next to Newt. Newt opened his eyes to find Minho's brown eyes looking back at him with concern. There were tears in his eyes and he was gripping Newt's hand tightly. The Medjacks were running their way to him.

"Don't touch him." Minho growled, shielding Newt's dainty body with his own broad shoulders. He glared at them, hands lightly touching Newt's waist.

"Minho we need to help him. We won't hurt him. Promise." Clint said desperately, but Minho wouldn't budge. Finally Alby and Nick grabbed him by his shoulders roughly, dragging him away from Newt. His threats and cries of protest fell upon deaf ears as he watched Newt cry out when they lifted his body onto the stretcher. He fought as much as he could as other boys began to help holding him back. He needed to be with Newt. Newt needed him right now.

No one has ever seen Minho cry. Not once since he's been there. But that night he couldn't stop the tears.


	3. Wake Me Up

Newt awoke feeling pain in his leg and a soft pressure against his hand. Actually, his whole body hurt. He groaned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, opening them slightly and smiling softly at what he saw.

Minho was sitting on an uncomfortable looking chair at his side, holding his hand softly. His hair was tussled by sleep and his face was in peaceful bliss. It was such a beautiful sight to wake up to. But then he frowned when he remembered.

He failed.

He failed at doing the one thing that could have helped him escape this place. He could have been happy. But now, he was right back where he started. He looked down at his leg that was wrapped up and propped up on a sling. He teared up thinking about how much of a failure he was. He shucked up everything. He was useless. His head ached but it didn't hurt as much as his heart that very moment.

"Glad to see you're up, shuckface." Newt looked up, startled at the lovely voice. Minho was looking back at him, his eyes filled with love, pain, concern, anger, and confusion. It made Newt sad to know he caused this beautiful man in front of him to worry. Newt smiled softly at him, gripping his hand tighter. "How are you feeling?"

Newt frowned, wanting to tell Minho that he was tired. Tired of everything. Tired of being so useless and sad all the time. Tired of being trapped here. Tired of that feeling of defeat in his gut and heart every time he woke up. Just tired.

"I'm okay." He answered, flashing Minho a reassuring smile. Minho looked at him in disbelief, rolling his eyes and sitting up straight.

"Cut the crap, Newt and tell me the truth. What happened out there?" Minho stared into his eyes, so determined and scared.

Newt sighed and looked down at his lap. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I don't want to talk about it."

Something in Minho snapped and he stood up abruptly, throwing his chair over and gripping his hair in his hands, pulling at the black strands. "If you don't talk to us how do you expect us to ever help you? You can't just go on not telling someone what's going on, Newt! Because it's just all going to pile up and you're going to snap! And I can't have that! I can't have my best friend battle his fights alone. I'm here for you. But you're so caught up in that shucked up head of yours to see-"

"I jumped." It was barely above a whisper, but it was strong enough to knock the air right out of Minho.

"What?" He asked softly, eyes wide with disbelief and fear.

Now it was Newt's turn to snap. "I bloody jumped, Minho! I climbed that wall and I jumped right off. I wanted to die. And I still do. It hurts me to breathe because I was so certain that I was going to die. And look what happened. I'm still here, and I'm still shucking sad and I still don't understand why. I never knew it was possible to be sad and not have a shucking clue why you feel that way. Everything is so shucked up!" Newt yelled, tears filling his eyes and spilling over his cheeks. "I hate myself. I hate myself so much and I want to die. But I know for sure that when the time comes and the chance is given to me, I will try again and this time I'll make sure I-"

Newt was cut off by Minho taking him into his arms, holding him like his life depended on it. He was sobbing and shaking and Newt squeezed back, choking out a sob of his own. Minho kissed his temple a couple of times, littering him with kisses. Each kiss made Newt feel lighter, like the darkness was being taken away from his heart. Minho's strong arms made him feel safe and loved. Newt buried his face further into his neck, breathing in his scent. He sighed softly, reluctantly letting go when Minho pulled away. Minho stared into his eyes passionately, softy caressing Newt's soft cheeks. He leaned in close, Newt could feel his breath on his lips.

"You're so stupid." And then Minho pressed his lips against Newt's, lips meeting in a passionate kiss. No words were needed, because that kiss said enough.


	4. Your Touch

Minho never let Newt out of his sight. He was always around, helping him whenever he needed it and carrying him places. Newt got irritated with it after a while, but he wasn't mad for too long because Minho would always place a sweet kiss against his lips. Minho took a break from running, but not without an argument with Newt. Newt was his first priority. When he was back on his feet he would go back, but right now he needed him.

"What are you doing?" Minho asked, rushing over to Newt when he attempted to get out of the bed. Newt groaned, pushing Minho away.

"I need to take a piss. I'm not bloody useless, I can do it by myself." He snapped, attempting to stand again. Minho stood back but kept his hands out, ready to catch him. Newt stood up slightly but crumbled to the floor, wincing in pain. Minho caught him quickly, picking Newt up bridal style.

"Yeah, you're not useless. But I don't need you getting hurt you slinthead. Just let me help." Newt sighed in defeat and put his arms around Minho's neck, holding on tightly. "You need to eat more, you're like a feather." Minho commented, hands feeling the protruding bones sticking out from the dainty boy.

"And you need to stop worrying. Now hurry before I pee all over the both of us."

"How charming."

×××

"You're going all soft on me." Newt said, hands rubbing softly at Minho's scalp as he sat at his bedside, head resting against Newt's stomach.

"What do you mean?" Minho asked, looking up slightly to look at the blonde boy.

"You're different. Well, different around me."

"You're different. I care about you." Minho stated vaguely, eyes closing once again to enjoy the nimble fingers rubbing his scalp. Newt blushing, looking down and frowning slightly. They shot up when the door opened, Alby walking in.

"There you are, Alby!" Newt exclaimed, giving his friend the biggest smile he could muster. Alby smiled back, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He walked over and stood in front of Newt.

"It's good to see you, brother." He said, eyes softening up. He always had a soft spot for the boy.

"How's the Glade? A bit hectic since I've been gone?"

"Everyone misses you. They want to know how you're doing. All those boys out there look up to you, you know."

Newt looked down, playing with his hands, not meeting the intense stare of his friend. Minho gripped his hand, rubbing it with his thumb. Newt blushed the tiniest bit.

"Tell them I'm as good as new. Clint and Jeff have been treating me nicely." Newt smiled, trying to reassure his friend as much as he could.

Alby chuckled," Glad to hear that. They better." Then he turned serious." What were you think-"

"I don't want to talk about it." Newt said, eyes leaving no room for discussion.

Alby sighed, and scratched the back of his head. "Expect a serious talk when you're healed." He walked away and gripped the door handle, turning to open it. But before he left he said," If you ever pull a stunt like that again and don't die, you better hope I'm not around to see it." His eyes softened, "Take care of him, Minho."


	5. Cure For Sadness

Newt would be lying if he said that life was better. That the darkness went away every time Minho kissed him. That he was finally happy and didn’t feel worthless or alone.

It wasn’t better.

Every time he looked in the mirror he was reminded of how useless and irrelevant he was. His limp was a constant reminder of how much of a failure he is. Although the pain was much needed and appreciated, it couldn’t help but make him feel empty inside (as if his heart wasn’t already filled with a dark hole of emptiness); and god, every time he looked into the faces of those boys he couldn’t help but feel like he let them down, let Minho down. He was a walking, talking boy who was just sad. So very sad it left him feeling nothing. He was stuck in this dark tunnel, and there was no way out.

“You’re overthinking again.” A voice said beside him. He turned to look at Minho, sweaty and dirty from his run. He smiled softly, getting up from his seat under a tree and walking up to his boyfriend. Minho wrapped his strong arms around Newt’s lithe frame, holding him tight. He pulled him into a tight hug, gentle yet firm. It made the darkness go away for a while, but it returned when he let go. Newt frowned, he didn’t like this feeling. Minho frowned right back, smoothing away the frown with gentle fingers. He kissed each one of Newt’s eyebrow, pulling him into another tight hug.

“I don’t like to see you like this.” Minho said softly, hushing Newt when he whimpered. He smoothed his hands down Newt’s back, and held him even tighter (if that was even possible). It was like he was trying to squeeze the sadness away. As if his touches could heal a broken heart.

“I’m sorry.”

xxx

“We have to help him, Alby.” Minho cried, hands tangling themselves into his hair. He was losing his mind worrying about the boy he loved so dearly.

Alby frowned, just as torn up about this as Minho was. “I know, I wish I could make this all better. But he’s been through a lot. It’s not something that can be fixed so easily.”

Minho sighed loudly, rubbing his temples roughly. “Maybe I can ask the creators if they can send up something.”

Alby put a hand on his shoulder.” Good luck with getting something from those shanks.”

xxx

Alby sighed as he checked to make sure they asked for everything they needed. He was checking off things from the list when Minho walked in holding a torn up piece of paper in one hand. He smiled softly at Alby, the light from the moon making him look much younger than what he was.

“Can you add this to the list? It’s for Newt.” Minho asked, reaching his hand out for Alby to take the paper. Alby felt sorry for the boy, he really cared for Newt. Alby took the paper from Minho’s hands, shooting him a tired smile.

“Thank you.” Minho said, turning and walking out of the room. Alby gripped the paper tighter in his grip, curiosity taking over him. He unfolded the piece of paper, eyes met with Minho’s familiar, sloppy handwriting.

“Cure for sadness. Please.”


	6. Antidepressants

"Minho, something came up the box for you." Alby knocked on the door lightly. Minho looked up from his map, walking over to take the item from Alby's hand. "I guess they listened to you." Alby smiled, patting Minho on the back and walking out.

 

Minho inspected the small bottle carefully. There was a note on the side of it that read," antidepressants, take once a day." Minho grinned happily, running out of the room to find Newt. He found him in the garden and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind.

 

"Hey, Alby." Newt joked, laughing when Minho growled and turned him around, hands holding his waist tightly. Minho raised an eyebrow.

 

"Sorry to disappoint, but it's only your incredibly sexy, muscular, and athletic boyfriend." Minho winked, pressing his lips to Newt's, a feeling of possessiveness running through his body. They pulled away, both grinning.

 

"I'm just kidding, shuckface." He pulled away and reached down to see what Minho was holding in his hand, clutching it in his own and reading the label. "Antidepressants?" He frowned, looking up at Minho. "What the hell are antidepressants?"

 

Minho chuckled, taking the bottle of pills from Newt's hand gently and opening up the lid. He poured one small pill into his hand and handed it to Newt. "I asked the creators for something to make the sadness go away." Minho explained as Newt sighed sadly.

 

"Minho, pills won't help me not be sad. It's not that easy. I'm sick." Newt looked down in shame. "I don't think anything can help me. I'm sorry." He went to give back the pill but Minho gently grabbed his hands.

 

"Newt, just try it out. Please." Minho looked deeply into Newt's eyes, eyes serious and pleading with him. "For me." Newt's eyes softened, rolling his eyes.

 

"Okay shuckface." Newt joked, throwing the pill to the back of his throat and swallowing it dry. He grimaced. "Now leave me alone and let me get back to work."

 

Minho smiled, he leaned down to kiss him and ran back to finish his map.


	7. Deal

"Something's wrong with Newt." Alby said, barging into the runner's room. Minho frowned, dropping what he was doing and turning to Alby.

 

"What do you mean? What's wrong with him?" Minho demanded, mind in a panick.

 

"He's not the same. I don't know if it's those pills. He's been lying in bed all day and he doesn't look so good." Alby explained, scratching the back of his head. "He's been throwing up too. I don't know if those pills are helping."

 

Minho shook his head, walking past Alby to go look for Newt when a strong hand stopped him on his shoulder.

 

"Minho, please listen to me. I can't stand to see my best friend this way just as much as you do. But I'd rather see him himself." Alby reasoned, looking into his eyes. "I'd rather see him in the right mindset." Alby sighed heavily. "Maybe all that he needs is you. I know it can't fix a lot, but it can sure make him never think about killing himself ever again."

 

Minho looked down, cursing Alby for being so wise.

 

xxx

 

Minho entered Newt's room to be met with the sounds of wrenching violently. Newt had a bin in his hands and his head shoved into it.

 

And shuck.

 

He looked pale.

 

Minho walked over, sitting down next to him and rubbing his back. Newt whimpered and Minho shushed him gently, hands feeling the knobs of his spine.

 

"Go. I don't want you to see me like this." Newt demanded weakly, emptying the content of his stomach once again.

 

Minho snorted, hands going into his hair and rubbing gently. "I can't do that, as much as this disgusts me." Minho said, flinching when Newt coughed loudly. Newt looked up, eyes miserable and body shaking.

 

"Why?" Newt asked, brows furrowing slightly. Minho smoothed a thumb over them soothingly.

 

"Because I love you." Newt gasped, eyes tearing up and he put down the bucket as he sprang himself at Minho, wrapping his arms around his neck tightly. Minho chuckled, arms going around his waist.

 

"I love you." Newt breathed out, tears staining his cheeks. "I love you." He held on tighter, but let go quickly as he dry heaved into the bucket, having taken everything out of his little tummy. He leaned back into Minho's firm chest and groaned, breathing heavily.

 

"I'm okay. I think I just caught a bug." Newt tried to reassure him, eyes not focused.

 

Minho frowned, shaking his head lightly. "It's the pills, isn't it?"

 

Newt shook his head, "No! No. Maybe I ate something I shouldn't of had." Newt tried to explain. "I'll go beat up Frypan later when I'm strong enough."

 

"Oh please, he's twice your size shuckface." Minho snorted. "Your strong boyfriend would have to step in and save you." Minho rubbed his nose into Newt's hair, eyes closing as Newt chuckled softly. "But be honest with me," Minho started, "is it the pills?"

 

Newt sighed sadly, tears springing to his eyes again. He sobbed, turning to hide his face into Minho's shoulder. "They don't make me feel better." He cried out, hands scrubbing his face. "They make me feel like I'm crazy, like I'm a burden and I don't feel like myself." Minho rocked him gently. "I'm so sorry." Newt apologized, shaking his head when Minho went to interrupt. "No, I'm sorry. You just worry about me all the time and I wanted to be okay. Be okay for you so for once I could be a normal boyfriend." He sniffled, eyes looking down. "But sometimes," he sighed, trying to compose himself. "Sometimes, I don't even want to get out of bed and I don't even want to face the day."

 

Minho swallowed the knot in his throat, having no idea he felt this way. He leaned down to nuzzle his nose into his scalp again. "I forgive you, ya know?" Minho started, breath warm against Newt's head. "For jumping off that wall. I'll always forgive you. You're not a burden to me. You're not another sad story, baby. I want to help you because I need to know that you're okay." Minho took a shaky breath. "I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if something happened to you. You mean the world to me. You're my only world and nothing else matters. You're my best friend and you're the best boyfriend I could have asked for." He rubbed his hand up and down Newt's thin thigh. "Yeah, you've got your problems and you're a little torn up at the moment." Newt looked up at him. "But you're not broken. All you need is a little love and some kisses to heal."

 

Minho then leaned down to spray kisses all over Newt's face as the boy giggled below him, tears leaking from his eyes. But they were happy tears. Minho knew this because his eyes carried this new sense of hope, and it was like a breath of fresh air. Minho pulled away slightly.

 

"We'll get rid of the pills." Minho said, tucking a strand of hair behind Newt's ear. "But you've gotta try, okay? You've gotta try to get rid of those shucked up thoughts in your head. You've gotta try to hold on," Minho paused, eyes looking into brown orbs. "For me." Newt nodded his head, fingers running up and down Minho's arm. "Deal?"

 

Newt smiled, the most beautiful smile Minho has ever seen. "Deal." He giggled, making Minho smile.

 

They sealed it with a kiss.


	8. I don't deserve you

"Baby, I gotta go." Minho whispered softly into Newt's ear, hand rubbing the small of his back gently. Newt stirred, letting out cute grumbles and holding onto Minho tighter. Minho chuckled, gently moving Newt's frail body so he can get up and get ready for the day ahead.

"Cuddle." Newt groaned incoherently, sniffling slightly as his hazy eyes opened to reveal brown orbs. Minho cooed and kissed his forehead softly, wishing he could stay with the beautiful boy.

"I'll be back." Minho promised, getting up reluctantly from the bed. Newt whimpered, making Minho frown and lean down to kiss his lips softly.

"I love you."

×××

Newt looked around at the Glade as he stopped to catch his breath. He's been feeling a little better, the days haven't been as dark. Even though some days he can't even get out of his bed, the good days outnumbered the bad. Everyone here relied on him to be a leader, he had to set a good example. He was interrupted from his thoughts by a light tap onto his shoulder. He turned to see Gally towering over him.

"Hey, shuckface." Newt greeted the boy, giving him a soft smile. Gally smiled back, both boys walking over to a patch of grass to sit on, away from the scorching sun.  
"How have you been?" Gally asked, squinting from the harsh light.

"I'm okay." Newt answered honestly, playing with the grass by his legs. "I have no choice but to keep going, right?"  
Gally nodded, looking at Newt and looking deeply into his eyes. "People count on you here." Gally said. "They respect you." Newt nodded, biting his lip and looking down. "We're trapped here. As much as it hurts me to say it, but if we're going to be here for the rest of our miserable lives, I'm glad we have a good leader like you." Gally smiled at Newt, eyes sincere. Newt suddenly felt sick to his stomach, furrowing his brows.

"Thanks Gally." Newt smiled tightly at him, patting him gently on the back. "I'm going to go lie down. My leg feels like klunk." Newt told him, getting up quickly and walking towards his hammock, suddenly feeling dizzy and nauseas. He sat down on it and put his hands in his hair, pulling roughly. He shut his eyes tightly as tears started to run down his cheeks, his body convulsing.

×××

Minho ran in the Glade, collapsing to the floor as he fought to catch his breath. The sun was just unbearable today. He frowned as he looked around for Newt, the boy nowhere to be found. He got up and scanned his eyes around the Glade, searching for the only person who means the world to him.

Where was he?

Minho frowned and waved at Alby, running towards him. "Hey, Alby. Have you seen Newt anywhere?" Minho asked, concern clear in his voice. Alby frowned and shook his head.

"No, actually. I haven't. Last I saw him he was talking to Gally, so check with him." Alby told Minho, pointing to where Gally was with all of the builders. Minho thanked him, running to Gally. Gally greeted him with a smile.

"Hey, Min! You okay?" Gally asked, taking in Minho's worried form.

"Have you seen Newt?" Minho asked hurriedly.  
Gally smiled and nodded his head. "Oh, yeah! He said he was going to go lie down because his leg was hurting him." Minho thanked him with a firm pat on the back and ran towards Newt's room. When he entered his heart stopped. 

There he was on his bed curled up into a tiny ball. His body looking impossibly small and frail. He was shaking violently and sobbing heavily into his arms, his hands clutching the hair on top of his head roughly.

"Newt, baby." Minho called out softly, approaching the fragile boy. Newt jumped slightly, body tensing up. Minho lied down next to him on the bed, arms gently wrapping around his tin waist. "Newt, baby. Look at me." Minho demanded softly. Newt shook his head and sobbed harder.

"Go away." Newt snapped weakly. "I don't want you to see me like this." Minho frowned and shook his head, hands going to gently pry Newt's hands away from his face.  
"Hey, don't be that way." Minho cooed, voice sounding as if he was talking to a small child. "Talk to me, beautiful."

"I've let everyone down." Newt sobbed, burying his face into Minho's neck. "I've let everyone down and I'm so worthless. I'm worthless and pathetic and I'll never be normal." Newt pulled away to pull at his hair again. "I'm constantly thinking about dying. Every single day that passes, I'm constantly thinking about different ways to go." Minho tensed up. "I don't want to feel this way anymore." Newt said weakly, hands continuing to pull at his strands of hair roughly.

Minho shook his head slightly, hands going to hold Newt's hands to his chest. "Hey, don't do that to yourself." Minho snapped softly, pressing a tender kiss to his boys' forehead. "Be nice to yourself."

Newt's lip wobbled, eyes tearing up with fresh tears. "I don't deserve you." He sobbed, voice raw and broken. He just looked broken. Minho shushed him quietly, pulling the boy closer and holding onto him tightly.  
"You deserve the world."


	9. Release

Newt promised.

 

He promised Minho he would try. But every passing day the pain only got worse. The little shred of sanity and happiness he had was slowly starting to rust away. He didn't want to feel this way.

 

He just wanted to be normal.

 

But hell, nothing about his life was normal.

 

He sighed and nuzzled his nose into Minho's muscular chest, strong arms tightening around his waist. He smiled softly, looking up at his boyfriend. He was smiling down at him, eyes tired but nonetheless happy. Did Newt really want to be the one to take that away?

 

He was the main reason Minho was so stressed; always so tired. He did nothing but disappoint everyone around him. Ruining everything good that has ever come his way. The people around him didn't deserve this.

 

He didn't deserve them.

 

"Get out of that head of yours." Newt flinched slightly, looking up at his concerned boyfriend. He smiled and placed a reassuring kiss onto his muscular chest, making Minho smile widely.

 

"I'm okay." Newt stated softly, nuzzling his face futher into the warm chest. Minho hummed in response, gently scratching Newt's scalp. "I love you." He cooed, smiling up at Minho.

 

Minho groaned. "Stop being cute." He lowered himself down until he was face to face with Newt, looking intensely into his eyes, searching. "If you want to talk about something you know you can always talk to me." Newt smiled and kissed his nose, giggling when Minho quickly turned his head to steal a kiss.

 

"I'm happy." Newt said reassuringly as Minho's hands found his waist, squeezing softly. Minho smiled softly, peppering small kisses onto Newt's face.

 

"That makes me happy to hear, baby."

 

×××

 

Newt lied.

 

He wasn't happy. He wasn't okay. Nothing was okay.

 

And he had the absolute nerve to lie to Minho. Lie to the other boys.

 

Lie to himself.

 

Maybe he should just accept that he will never be happy.

 

But seeing Minho so happy when he said that he was better, that was worth every ounce of pain he felt every day that passes in this cruel world. This cruel life.

 

But he'll keep saying he's okay just to see Minho smile, just to see that little speck of hope and happiness in his eyes. He'll keep saying he's okay just to see the ones he loves happy.

 

Even as he walks to the kitchen late at night, the shimmer of the knife drawing him in. The sharpness of it luring him to grab it and before he knew it, he was on the floor surrounded in a pool of his own blood, the pain never having felt more comforting before.

 

He was happy.


	10. Scars

Newt told himself it'd only be a one time thing. He was just overwhelmed with his thoughts that night. He was getting better.

When did everything become lies?

One cut turned to two, two turned to three, and three turned to ten. He just loved the way it got his mind off of things, loved to watch the blood drip onto the floor. Loved the sting he felt the next day when the cloth of his sweater pulled at the scab. He loved it.

But not as much as he loved Minho. Which is why he swore to himself that he would do anything and everything to keep them hidden from Minho. He doesn't deserve his concern or his love. He deserved this.

Surprisingly, no one suspected a thing. He never took his sweater off anymore, no matter how hot and unbearable the sun was. It was worth it. He could take it.

He found he wasn't as sad as before.

×××

Everyone was talking about the arrival of the greenie next week. It was all anyone could talk about. It was always exciting to get someone new.

Newt wasn't as excited. Just meant another person who was unfortunately put in this hell along with the rest of them. Another person to get close with to only lose them in the process.

"I need to take a piss." Newt told Alby, making him chuckle and shake his head. "I'll be back." He walked to the homestead, quickly taking the knife from his pillow case and shutting the bathroom door. He sat on the floor, taking deep breaths as his hands trembled.

He deserved this.

He pressed the knife to his arm, watching the blood pour out of it and drip onto the floor. It was a beautiful thing, how all of his sadness and dark thoughts went away with just a slice of the knife.

"Newt?" A voice called, making him jump and cut himself deeper.

"Ah shit!" He whimpered, grabbing paper towels to clean the mess and press against the cut that was still pouring out blood.

"Angel, are you there?" It was Minho, and he sounded worried. His voice sounding louder than before.

"U-uh, yeah Min. I'll be out in a second." He quickly wiped the floor, keeping one paper towel tightly pressed against the self-inflincted wound. He heard the doorknob jiggle, making his eyes widen. He quickly pulled his sleeve down and opened the door, met with a pair of worried brown eyes.

Minho frowned and looked over Newt's shoulder. "Everything okay?"

Newt nodded and smiled, hands going up to gently cup his cheeks.

"Of course, my love." He reassured, pressing his lips to Minho's. Minho growled, hands gripping his slim waist to press him against the wall. Newt whimpered, feeling a tongue prod at his bottom lip. He opened his mouth, letting his tongue entwine with Minho's. He pulled away, letting Minho press kisses onto his neck. He could feel hands lifting his sweater from his body, but he slapped them away.

"Not tonight. Let's go get dinner, yeah?"


	11. Lies

"You look pale." Minho frowned, placing a gentle hand on Newt's forehead. "You don't have a fever."

"I'm fine." Newt lied, hand subconsciously moving to put a hand on his wrist. Truth was, his cut hadn't stopped bleeding and he was absolutely terrified the blood would stain through the sleeve of his sweater. The last thing he wanted was for Minho, or anyone in that case, to find out about what he was doing.

Because it made him feel better.

"I wish you'd stop lying to me." Newt froze, face paling further.

"What?"

Minho sighed loudly, hand reaching up to roughly scratch his head. "You say you're fine when we both know you sure as hell aren't." His tone was cold, but despite the way it sounded, there was concern hidden beneath it.

Love.

"And I wish you'd stop worrying about me." Newt bit back, standing up from their table to hover over Minho. "You treat me like shucking glass, as if any minute I'll break." His voice was getting louder, attracting the attention of the other Gladers. "I'm stronger than you think, Minho." He sniffed, eyes watering as he took in what he said.

He wasn't strong.

"Is that blood?" If Newt wasn't pale before, he sure was now. His whole body went rigid, eyes widening and breath becoming shallow. "Newt?"

He cleared his throat, nodding his head. "Yeah, it is."

"What happened?" Minho pulled him down to sit next to him, hand frantically pulling his sleeve up to examine the damage. "What is this?" Time to lie.

"I hurt myself while out in the garden today." It was quiet, Newt wincing as Minho peeled away the paper towel pressed against the cuts.

"There's so many."

"I just wasn't paying attention at all." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I just kept on scraping my wrist against the thorns." Minho frowned, fingers gently scimming through the gashes.

"Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?" His tone was sad, with hints of disappointment.

"Because I can't even garden without hurting myself." Newt groaned frustratedly. "You always have to take care of me and it's just a few scratches."

Minho shook his head, pulling Newt's wrist up until it was level with his face. He leaned forward and pressed gentle kisses onto the scarred skin, causing Newt to blush. "I." Kiss. "Love." Kiss. "You." A soft kiss on the lips. "I love taking care of you." Another kiss on the lips. "You're too precious not to worry about."

Newt rolled his eyes. "You're getting too soft on me, Min." Now it was Minho's turn to roll his eyes, pressing a bruising kiss onto Newt's slightly chapped lips.

"Come on. Let's go clean you up." Minho stood and reached a hand out to help Newt stand. "My clumsy boy."


End file.
